If nominated…

Caroline Kennedy has asked Governor Patterson to appoint her to Hillary Clinton’s vacant Senate seat. In the interest of Democracy, I have decided to do the same. I do this to offer the people of New York a choice, but not too much of a choice…. As it happens, Caroline Kennedy and I have a lot in common.

According to Wikipedia (oh come on, what? you think I’d do real research?), she “is an attorney, writer, editor and serves on the boards of numerous non-profit organizations.” I’m not an attorney, but I think I’ve practiced as much law as Ms. Kennedy has. I’ve also sat on the boards of non-profit organizations… I’ve also helped run non-profit organizations. I write and I’ve been an editor. Once, I was Black-Dragon editor for The Brandesian.

Kennedy went to Radcliffe, which was founded as a Harvard for girls. I went to Brandeis, which was founded as a Harvard for Jews.

No, I’m not Jewish. Neither is Caroline Kennedy.

Kennedy’s dad was President of the United States of America and a hero to millions. He said famous things like, Why does Rice play Texas? We choose to go to the moon.

My dad is a carpenter and computer programmer and he says things like, There’s nothing to fear but being chicken.

Her step-father was an international playboy and one of the richest men in the world.

My step-father is an international archaeologist and is the richest man in his house.

Her mother wore cute hats.

My mother is a senior partner in a major national law-firm and she looks even better in hats.

Kennedy supports legislation legalizing same-sex marriage and so do I!

Kennedy is pro-choice and so am I!

Kennedy has this thing against assault-rifles (go figure!). I don’t so much.

Kennedy is an honorary chairman of the American Ballet Theatre.

I was a theater major in college and have been to the ballet.

She also supports unity of Jerusalem and believes that Jerusalem should be the undivided capital city of Israel. I agree. Go Jerusalem!

Caroline Kennedy has never held political office and neither have I. Although… I did once run for Oregon State Representative. I didn’t win (I lost to the Republican, the Democrat and… so help me, an actual, honest-to-Stalin Communist.), but by virtue of a failed bid for state office some 15 years ago, I can honestly say that more people have voted for me than have ever voted for Caroline Kennedy.

Governor Patterson, I submit myself for your consideration. I expect to hear from you soon.

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